waiting.

Well, we are almost three months into “the wait”–but we’re also at about a year since things were set in motion for this adoption. I remember January of last year like it was yesterday – starting to think about how and when we’d want to expand our family {maybe starting at the end of 2012 – a year away}, and deciding to pray about it during our church’s 3-week Daniel fast. Little did we know that God would so very clearly tell us that he wanted us to start the adoption process. NOW.

The past year has been such a crazy ride. God has been faithful in every way, and has grown us both in ways I know are only possible because we said yes to this. I feel like it was one of the hardest yet one of the most incredible years of our marriage–the enemy sure wanted to come between us and make us fail, but our God is greater and He knit us together even more closely. One of my biggest fears was what our family/friends would think–and we’ve been blown away by everyone’s support and love. One of Jeff’s biggest fears was how to afford it financially–and we’ve been blown away by God’s provision and others’ generosity. I just took down our PayPal donation button because we’re pretty sure we’re done fundraising. To be at that point, and to be able to start replenishing our savings and saving money for whatever medical expenses we’re anticipating she may have–it’s SUCH a relief and a blessing.

But now… we wait. We probably won’t have many updates until we get a referral, because of the aspect of our adoption criteria. We’re just waiting for our precious daughter. I check the Waiting Child List every day… just in case our daughter is on there (that would be outside of our official “age request” but we are certainly open to going outside of that if God calls us to!). The waiting is hard. It’s already harder than I imagined. I thought I would be fine waiting for as long as we needed to – hey, the longer we wait, the older the boys will be and the easier it would be to bring a little sister home, right? But–I’m ready. Anytime. At the same time, I feel a complete peace that God’s timing is perfect and I rest in that.

I think I have to be content with this wait. I know there are lessons God has for me in it. Patience? has not always been my virtue. God continues to change my heart and open it, preparing me for whatever child/children he has for us. I can’t wait to see her face.

We went away this weekend, just the four of us, for the first time ever. Why we’ve never gotten away as a little family, I have no idea. We need to start doing it regularly. I remember family vacations growing up and they are some of my very favorite memories. I want the boys to have the same. Anyway, we spent a nice weekend in the mountains, hiking and picnicking, building fires, letting Tucker run free, and enjoying each others’ company. It was sweet. I fell in love with my three guys all over again. Not that there weren’t some moments–I mean, let’s be serious, we have 2 three-year-olds after all–but I did not want to come home. I think I convinced the guys we needed to move to the country.

So for now, I plan to do my best to enjoy however much time we have left as a family of four, with my guys–as a boy house (which I really, really love!) where I’m just the queen of the castle.  I know it’s just going to get harder to wait but I don’t want to wish away this precious time with my husband and sons, either.  I’m praying I become more patient, more gentle, more engaged, and more in love with Him – and that He’d prepare my heart for our daughter!

{…and now it’s off to Created for Care tomorrow for my first time!  SO excited for this amazing adoptive mamas’ retreat and spending some time with friends old and new.  Lake Lanier, here I come!}

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