ET adoption process update

So today I randomly thought, hmmm, I wonder how long we’ve been “paper pregnant” waiting on this child?  We’re about 7.5 months in- that’s gotta be close to when I had the boys, right?  

Well, after looking it up, I laughed as I found out that as of today we’ve been waiting 31 weeks, 5 days.  I went into labor at 31 weeks, 6 days, and the boys were born two days later at 32 weeks, 1 day.  Sooo… yeah – right. there.  Kind of crazy, right?!  A few more days and this will be my longest “pregnancy” yet  (though I realize that’s not saying much since I skipped about 8 weeks of a normal pregnancy).  However, we’d be thrilled for some news now – without any worry of NICU time.

Anyway…

We found out late last week that the ET adoption process is changing with a new PAIR process.  Really, this should be a good thing.  They are going to “pre-screen” for embassy (the US side of investigations) BEFORE you go to court as pass on the Ethiopian side.  Ethically, that is what SHOULD happen and NEEDS to happen–for all the investigations to make sure your child is a true orphan to be done before you pass court and they become legally yours.  Our agency was even hopeful that it would mean going back to one more extended trip, which would have been awesome.

However… the unfortunate news is that they expect it to double the time between referral and home.  Meaning, it currently takes an average of 4-6 months from when you get your referral/are matched with a child until you land at the airport in the US with your child.  Now, they expect it to take 8-10 months.  That is NOT fun to hear.  When you see your baby’s face, you certainly don’t want it to take any longer to get to them.  They also expect wait times to increase as children won’t be going home as quickly, so the transition home will be housing them for longer (and not able to bring any new children in).

My emotions have been all over the place with this news.  When I first heard it (on Friday we got a lengthy email from our agency explaining the ramifications), I actually felt a peace about it.  And then I started hearing/seeing everyone’s reactions and realizing that this could mean a significant delay for us, and I got really upset.  I’ve poured out my heart to the Lord and to Jeff.  I journaled like crazy and spent a few days trying to get clarity on what this should mean for us.

We have been praying hard about whether or not to pursue a waiting child from our agency’s list–however, we haven’t felt drawn to one CERTAIN child/children more than the others.  A few have been on our hearts, but Jeff & I each seem drawn to different children so far.  We still have a heart for waiting children & children with special needs, so we wondered if we were supposed to pursue one and get in before the PAIR process starts in September.  I can’t tell you how much I begged God to give us a sign, some writing in the sky or something.  However, we still don’t have that clarity/unity, so for now, I guess we are supposed to keep waiting and praying.

Today I finally gave it up – gave it over to the Lord and decided to do my best to keep waiting patiently.  Maybe we’ll see our child on a waiting list or he will give us a crazy referral in the next couple of weeks and we’ll get submitted to court before this process–but it’s not likely.  I don’t understand why this is all happening, but I don’t doubt his call.  For now, we both still feel like we have a child in Ethiopia, and we’ll wait for her/him, no matter how long it takes.  Maybe he’ll surprise us in the meantime–but if he doesn’t, I know he has a purpose for the waiting period, and I want to learn and grow from it instead of losing my mind with the what-ifs.  We’ll see what happens.

I will wait, I will wait for you… 

Psalm 62:8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah 

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

7 months waiting

Sunday the 2nd marked 7 months of being “paper pregnant” on the DTE list. We made doro wat, including making our own berbere (ET’s signature spice mix). It was pretty darn good. So far we have honestly really liked all the Ethiopian dishes–glad this cuisine will be a part of our lives!!

In ET adoption news, they are officially starting an embassy “pre-screening” process which means that the US will basically pre-approve you for your visa BEFORE you pass Ethiopian court, instead of after as it is now (which is messed up – it really should be the other way around, but isn’t.) This should definitely make the time between court & embassy shorter, and it sounds like it could very potentially mean only one longer trip to ET instead of two. The best part of that would of course be the fact that we wouldn’t have to leave her there! (if we can’t stay in ET between court/embassy) Big news!! It’ll start in September, so who knows where the process will be when we get our referral, but everyone is encouraged by this new process.

Praying for you, sister… God continues to work on our hearts and open us to WHATEVER he may have for us – we can’t wait to find out!

some good reads…

I know we’ve been lax on the blog… just busy and processing/praying a lot about our adoption.  Here are some great posts going around the adoption world that have been confirming what God’s been working on in our hearts lately (regarding ethical adoptions, pursuing a special/medical needs/waiting child adoption of some sort, and working to keep families together in the first place)… hoping to write up a more personal blog post about it soon.

Jen Hatmaker – Adoption Ethics Part One

Jen Hatmaker – Adoption Ethics Part Two

Jen Hatmaker – Adoption Ethics Part Three

What I Thought I Knew

and I’ll just leave you with a ridiculously cute photo of the boys, because… 

Mother’s Day 2013

We had a nice day celebrating!  The boys & Jeff made me breakfast in bed and they were SO excited.  It will definitely be a favorite memory–how happy they were to bring me their little homemade cards & gifts and smother me with hugs & kisses.  I love how affectionate and sweet they are.  We grilled out and enjoyed lunch on the patio for my mama with my family.  We missed Mom Pyles but are glad she got in lots of Rachel snuggles!!

We are so grateful for both of our moms – God was GOOD to us!  Thanks for all you do for us, and for setting great examples for us.  We love you both!

I thought a lot about our girl today–more specifically, her birth mom.  I don’t know what the circumstances will be around how our child comes to be in our family–but I am praying now for this woman.  There is so much more I could write about this, and I’m sure I will someday–but for now, I just pray that God will cover her and be with her, wherever she is right now.

So grateful to be these boys’ mom–it is the biggest blessing and greatest challenge, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I love my sons!

6 months waiting

Yesterday marked 6 months since our dossier was sent to Ethiopia. We celebrated the half-year mark with an Ethiopian feast! Grandma even came over to join us – she agreed it was pretty tasty.

We continue to pray that God would lead us straight to our child/children – whether it’s continuing to wait, pursuing a waiting child, or something else entirely. I’m really thankful for the way God has worked on both of us and continues to teach us things during the wait. I can’t wait to see what he has in store for our little family.

Our first niece!

Last week, our first niece, Rachel, was born–the boys’ very first cousin. Very exciting! We headed up to hospital in High Point the night she was born to meet her. The boys were VERY excited (Cullen said “Mommy! I’ve never been to a hospital before!” Oh son, if only you knew how you spent the first six weeks of your life… ) and were SO sweet with her. They were gentle and gave lots of kisses on the top of her head. They loved her. When we left, Lane couldn’t stop smiling and saying, “Mommy, I just LOVE my baby cousin!” Can’t wait to see them with a sister someday too. For now, we will enjoy our sweet little niece/cousin.

Rachel Madison Rinkenberg… we love you! Congrats Ron & Kristen!

Pieces of the Pyles’ 4.22.13

We need to resurrect this blog… soon. For now…

We have reached the “all we want to do is climb trees” stage. Lane is quite a monkey!

Is this the creepiest photo you’ve ever seen or what?? Thank goodness they shaved immediately.

Lane lovin’ on baby Jacob – he begs to hold him all the time. This boy is going to be the best big brother.

Happy birthday Jeff!!! This was at his F3 workout the morning of his birthday – they made him wear the ensemble the whole time they were exercising. Well done, guys.

The double time-out. Oh dear.

Pounding it with his bro Theo. Pray for Theo this week–his kidney transplant is on Thursday (his amazing aunt is giving him her kidney) and we’re praying everything goes as smoothly as possible for our sweet friends!

Planting in the backyard garden… hoping we fare well this year!

5 months waiting

Well, yesterday was 5 months waiting for our baby girl. I actually was so caught up (our friends were still in town staying with us & we were too busy having fun with them) that I didn’t even notice until Jeff & I went to bed that it was the 2nd. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing (I’ve been trying REALLY hard, mostly to no avail, to not let myself be consumed by adoption stuff) or sad that I didn’t notice, though I didn’t really realize it was even April already either. Whoops. Anyway… our friends are (sadly!) leaving today and we’re commemorating with Ethiopian food tonight.

I’m all over the place this month emotionally. I know we haven’t been waiting *that* long compared to others I know, but it’s still a year of waiting total so far (and waiting is teaching me that I have a LOT to learn & work on!). Our good friends just returned from passing court for their daughter in Ghana and a couple of my AWAA adoption buddies just passed court in ET for their kiddos. Looking at all of their pictures makes me so happy for them. I cried happy tears several times as I stared at photos and listened to/read stories. And yet… it makes me long for our daughter. I have no idea when we’ll see her face. I don’t know how old she is, or if she’s even definitely a she (yes, we are requesting a girl, but we would not say no to another son if we were asked – I love raising little men!). I check waiting child lists every single day. Part of me feels like we shouldn’t put ourselves on a waiting list for a little girl when so many older children are waiting–but I also don’t think we’ve seen OUR girl yet. I pray over all the kiddos on our agency’s Waiting Child List (WCL) often. I keep joking that watch us get our referral and then fall in love with an older child while we’re over there & have to bring them home too. If anyone has ever thought about adopting–there are SO many precious “older” (7+) healthy/minor special needs children just waiting for a family. Pray about it

I’ve also been thinking about traveling. I cannot wait to go to Ethiopia. I feel like I’m already in love with the place and I haven’t ever been there. I want to learn everything about her culture, her people, and where she came from. I hope we’ll all be able to make trips there together as she grows up. I know it is going to be eye-opening, but I just feel like God has something up his sleeve that he’s going to teach us–something we could only learn by going.

We had sweet Aubrey at our house the past 5 days – she is 5 months old… and oh, I could get used to having a baby around again. I know the Lord’s timing is perfect, but I am so excited for our third child.

This blog post was shared in our agency’s FB group recently, and it was just what I needed to be reminded that waiting has a purpose… and so we wait, asking the Lord to mold & shape us during this time, and prepare us for that sweet moment when all the waiting becomes worth it.

“And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!” Isaiah 30:18 (Amplified)

5 months – tikil gomen for dinner!

Happy Easter, 2013

We spent Easter in Charlotte this year with my family and our sweet friends the Millers who were down staying with us – it was a good one!  This was the first year the boys really understood the Easter story and asked lots of questions.  Explaining to them why Jesus died on the cross for us and that because HE rose again, we’ll get to spend eternity with Him in Heaven was so emotional. Hearing them tell us what Easter was really about was awesome.  Definitely a special memory.  Happy Easter!

GORUCK

Oops, I certainly meant to post this a long time ago. Oh well.

The night of our big Charlotte snow also happened to be the night of Jeff’s GORUCK Challenge. For those of you with no idea what this is, he and 79 other men (in his F3 workout crew) PAID money to spend “8-10″ hours (which ended up being 13+) getting hazed military-style (think endless exercises such as pushups, burpees, etc. along with them trying to mentally wear you down) and covering “15-20″ miles with a backpack excuse me, RUCK full of BRICKS on his back. They also carried other various heavy items such as LOGS. Oh, and it was one of the coldest nights this winter here, got down to about 19 degrees. No big deal. Jeff, having full confidence in his Ohio yankee blood (maybe too much confidence), was actually excited about the snowy beatdown situation and dressed “appropriately”:

*Side note: he grew that crazy (or as his friends called it, “glorious”) beard for the GORUCK. I was pretty happy when he trimmed it immediately after – I’m just not fond of him looking a good decade or so older than me…

The event started at 10pm and lasted until about 11:15am the next day. I was nervous all night hoping he would be ok (and it didn’t help when a friend, whose husband was doing it with him, texted me early the next morning saying she’d had to go pick her husband up at 5:30 am because he’d passed out due to hypothermia! Thankfully he is ok, but man.). I packed the boys up the next morning to go surprise daddy at the finish (although the boys kind of freaked out because they were scared of all the “military men” – 80+ guys running/screaming, and the fact that daddy couldn’t immediately come hug them). Here’s all the guys at the finish:

It was crazy. When we got home I asked Jeff “on a scale of 1-10, how hard was it?” His answer (and Jeff is not someone to exaggerate or act like something was too hard): “14.” Well, that says it all! He also said he’d never do it again but by that afternoon (after a 4-hour nap and so sore he could barely move–not to mention he still had no feeling in most of his fingertips) he was already talking about doing the Heavy (the 24+ hour one). Men… I do not understand.

If you want to read ALL about it (probably more than you ever needed to know, but it’s a great recap for the guys who did it), you can find their backblast here.

And here’s the video Brian did (he followed the guys around all night filming… thanks BP, you are the master!), although I know it was hard to capture everything since most of the beatdowns took place at all hours of the night when it was pitch black!

Well done, babe – you’ve got all my respect. Proud of you for the months of training and the fact that you never quit. You are hardcore. I’m happy to be the one at home with the boys sleeping under my warm covers so you can do this–such a sacrifice, I know.